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Spoiler alert: This post will contain both info about my ramblings about life and info about the rich mullins movies. You may care about only one, or neither, in which case you’re still reading out of complete boredom with your life. If that’s you, get off the internet and take a walk or something.

The need to write sometimes builds up inside me, so here I am. I’m listening to the GARDEN STATE SOUNDTRACK right now. This soundtrack has so much meaning to me. Loved the movie, but it also has nostalgia for me for a plethora of reasons. Maybe too many to go into here even.

I love music that can transport you. Some people are like that too. A small moment with a friend or even a stranger can bring a variety of emotions that bring a lovely euphoria. Then there is that one track, on an album that you go “that sucks” how’d the producer let that track on there. There’s also people like that too. Like someone who is a complete prick and you go, why? Was this necessary.

I’m that prick sometimes. Matter of fact I can be the worst person I know. Sometimes the only prayer I can find to pray is, “God how do you put up with me?”. I’m so glad he does.

I’m filled with a strange delight as I fly to Atlanta this morning. I’m married to a wonderful woman, a gorgeous woman. She’s smart, funny, silly, loyal, and faithful. I have friends that say I married up, and I couldn’t agree more. Some friends like to remind me every time they see me. I get it. I married up. Geeze. I know I am a complex, reckless mess both inside and out, thanks for the reminder.

I once had a friend tell me that some friends theirs from college (our college)  were like hows his marriage going? When my friend replied really great, they we’re like “really, but he’s crazy”…ah the stings of judgmental acquaintances. So nice of them.

But the truth is. They are right. But the only problem is, I’m worse than they know. I may be even worse than I know. Spoiler alert. You may be too. I don’t know if it’s the American thing or the Christian thing, or my gross pride, but I spend half of my time trying to paint this picture of myself…to myself that I’m not half bad.

The reason the love of God is so mad and lovely in the same breath is because he’s crazy about me, and frankly there’s not a whole lot to be crazy about. Which is some foolish crazy insane love.

We can see this in people that are madly in love. We may all know the dangers of buying into infatuation, but there is something beautiful about it, or maybe it’s just beautiful for my metaphor. Either way. There is something really fun about recklessly falling in love. 

I like to imagine that God is in love with me. Sometimes I think faith needs a little imagination. Not that imagination makes your faith false, but sometimes imagination is the fuel hope needs at times. But what I don’t have to imagine, what I do know, is that my only hope is to fall in love with him. With out a heart head over heels for God himself, my faith quickly becomes about religious lists ,guilt, and resumes. I hate all three.

Movies almost done. That feels really nice. A sense of accomplishment is really nice. We have trailers almost done as well. I’m so thankful for all the supporters of the movie. Which are really just fans of Rich Mullins himself. 

I’m really excited to show everyone the movies. They aren’t big deals. They are just movies. I’m not sure that movies can be big deals. I’m not sure any art can. The greatest artist is God himself. He created everything and said, yeah that’s good. But only with humanity did he say, “okay, that was really good.”

All this art, whether it’s a movie, a painting, a song. It’s so funny that it has a shelf life of a few minutes really. If it’s really good maybe occasionally it will pop into our minds for a few moments here and there. If it’s a brilliant piece of art, it may come up here and there for years to come, maybe even a lifetime. But if you added that up. What would it amount to? A day. Maybe two days tops.

Relationships, people, life itself, and the infinite kabod of God. Now these things, that aren’t things at all. this is where true art takes place. The expression of imagination and expression in these things are truly infinite and eternally lovely.

The movies haven’t even come out and there are already critics. People will hate the movie or love it. I’m not sure I should be too occupied with either. Not very healthy. If we were all a little healthier maybe we wouldn’t care about movies at all. They’re on such a pedestal in our culture. And I may be it’s biggest contributor. Just ask the blockbuster guy down the street. It’s pretty much my “Cheers”. A lot of people don’t understand why everything is taking so long on the movies. So long with the trailers and the movies themselves. The comments are almost hysterical of thinking it’s some type of “conspiracy” out there. No conspiracy. We’re just a group of a few trying to do the work of an army, and on very little money. We’re not hollywood. We’re barely anderson Indiana. We’re just a handful of ragamuffins trying to make a movie about a ragamuffin named rich.

Changing subjects. I’ve been really sad lately. (so unusual for me:-)  Not sure why. I think about death a lot. It’s been a weird year. My grandma on my dad’s side died. Brennan Manning died. My best friends wife died. Rich’s mom died. Some I was close to. Some I wasn’t. My health is total crap. If I don’t get my act together I can see only living another 20, and that’s if I’m extremely lucky. My wife is trying to get me healthy. Praise God, cuz I can’t do it alone. I’m addicted to fast food, or just unhealthy food like it’s crack. It’s really hard for me. It’s not a joke, as stupid and unwise as it sounds. So freaking hard. Eating right really feels like starvation in my head. So dumb I know.

But in any case I think about dying a lot. Always struggled with really sad stuff. The saddest. Had lunch with one of the best friends a guy could have, BJ, and I told him about some of those thoughts. I saw tears in his eyes. A friend that crys for you, even when you don’t, doesn’t happen very often. Maybe with you, sure. But not for you. That’s rare. That’s a friend.

Back to that artistry thing. There’s an artistry in real friendship that can’t be outdone by human manufacturing, no matter how ascetically pleasing.

Love is the common thread through the wonderful artistry. And this alone comes from the great “Abba.” The movie paints a picture of the “reckless, raging, fury” they call the love of God.

But nothing, not even a movie, can capture the ravenous love that God has for you. Is your life haunted by this love? Mine is, and it’s simply wonderful. It’s lovely, it’s tear filled, it’s wonderful. It’s art.

Thanks for reading or skimming.

Love, tears, and art,


Comments (21)

  1. You don’t know me from Adam. I stumbled on this blog last week while doing some research on our mutual pal Rich (never met him but feel like I know him through his music). I am so excited that you took it upon yourself to make the movie (movies?). For a long time I have hoped someone would do it simply because Rich was so unique and so worthy of having his story heard. So thank you in advance for creating this.

    On a side note I want to tell you that you are not alone in your struggles. As I read this blog (especially the last several paragraphs) I felt like you were writing about me. I struggle with addiction to soda and fast food. I too focus alot on death and struggle with thoughts of depression. One thing we have in common is that we both are in the middle of projects that can potentially make an impact on the world (mine a musical one). That is important because I think the enemy wants to distract us and create senses of hopelessness or depression. He wants us to feel unworthy of our creations.

    Don’t let him friend. God will be honored by your work. People will look to Him because of what you are doing. And I for one am excited. Looking forward to the final work of art. Keep on Keeping on! 🙂

    -Josh Canady

  2. I also think about death a lot ,I ask god to let me finish the mission he has for my life,he has made this very clear to me and I believe he will allow me to fulfill this before he calls me home.When that time is will be all in his hands.

  3. This is the most beautiful piece of shit I have ever read. My heart knows too much of what you’re explaining here as of late. Time and geography may keep you and I apart, but my heart could not be closer right now. I “get” too much of this right now.

  4. Very profound and intriguing. As a married man, father of four, Christian, and Actor, I struggle too with these conditions of the human spirit. The flesh always warring against the Spirit, and the two are contrary, yet we seem to be in and out of each at various interludes of life. In my own weakness I summon on Scripture such as “stronger is He that is in you, than he that is in the world.” Or dealing specifically with the sin of fear, I try and meditate on “there is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love” (1 John 4:18). Would to God that He would raise us up in that love which He so lovingly and willingness is able to give through Faith.

  5. The movies haven’t even come out and there are already critics. People will hate the movie or love it. I’m not sure I should be too occupied with either”.

    David. First, really good Blog. The honest ones are the only ones that really interest me, and i am grateful there aren’t any perfectly photographed pies in yours Secondly, i love that bit i quoted up there. I agree with you heartily.

    My new hope for Ragamuffin is that it really makes the “You Tube Commenters” who want to stick a halo on Rich and make him seem like this perfect fellow who.. .who wasn’t. That it kinda ticks them off that perhaps you will show that their Perfect Hero was just a guy who loved God and sang really good songs and told the truth. THAT is what drew me to Rich. His realness about loving and being loved by God and about his falling down and getting up again. “Failings”.

    Right before Rich died – and i am one of those Good Girls who never got to hear about Grace until Rich and Brennan and Jim Smith came into my life – but i was so furious at God for allowing this stupid illness that has now been part of me for 20 years… i was so sick of the *platitudes* from friends and family who all said God was in control and that i’d understand why i lost so much once i got to heaven. i had been a ministry major before i got sick so i had tons of books about how to be good and tons of CCM CDs and tapes with singers who seemed to have their “poop in a group” (thank you Danl for that phrase ) Anyway, i boxed it all up to throw it away one day, i was so SO sick of it . All of the things that i now realize added up to what i call a “bumper-sticker” relationship with God.

    I saved one CD from my Box o’ Trash (which my folks found and put in the attic ), no clue how it happened. It was Rich’s “Never Picture Perfect”. It played in the background for a long time in 1997. I wish i could say that i realized Rich was changing my thinking about God then, i’m not sure when i knew – and then he died. And i need to not write a book here, i’ll try to wrap up!

    I was at the Memorial for Rich in Wichita, feeling all kinds of confused. And sooooo ticked at the people on stage who were telling “mean stories” about this guy who i thought single-handedly saved my relationship with God. How dare they? Now i know “how dare they NOT” talk about how very human Rich was. How he really, like most of us, could be a jerk. But also that he was a really good friend. Mainly, it all fell away except this: Jesus adored and adores Rich. And me. It all has to fall away, you know? We can’t hang our hope on humans, but wow, some of them do make AMAZING “Arrows to God”. Rich really did that for me. So i hope some people will be ticked off that he wasn’t perfect. Watching him be turned into a big weenie by folks who didn’t know him and only ever heard “Awesome God” kind of annoys me. I think your movie is coming out at just the right time. We humans really need to stop expecting our heroes to be perfect, instead, let them be who they are, which in the case of most of us, IS a Ragamuffin. But look past them to see the God who loves them and me and you beyond words. Thank you for your hard work and for your heart, i am really looking forward to the flick.

  6. I love your honesty. I know what you mean about fast food. I have an addiction to sugar. I don’t watch movies too much, so I am patiently waiting for this one to come out. I am so super exited. Take your time. No worries. Thank you. Lots of love.

  7. David, reading your post, I cant help but think of Rich’s song, I’ll Carry on. Life can be exhausting sometimes. I too have been finding myself thinking of death a lot lately. As you know, my dad is struggling with terminal metastasized cancer. Watching him go through it is ripping me apart some days. I hate seeing what its doing to my mom. Hang in there. Its so normal to think about these things especially when it hits close to home. We all have issues and weaknesses we deal with. At least you are open to seeing some things that you need to change for your health. You are blessed to have a wife who encourages you. Remember, even baby steps toward your goal to where you want to be is a start. Challenges are never easy. One of my professors once told me, If it was easy, everyone would do it.

    As for the movie, I am so proud of you that you look the steps and the challenges of making this movie that is going to minister to more souls then you will ever know. I have total faith in you and the treasure that you are creating. I will be sure that when it comes out on dvd, I will be adding it to my collection.

    I know you will keep carrying on. Its what God calls us to do. He wants to complete all the great things that He has started in your life. I know Rich and Brennan and most importantly, God is totally proud of you. I am too!! Blessings and prayers for you and your family.

  8. Did you know the Bible says not to worry about what you will eat or drink…that trusting Him is health to your body?? Many years ago there was a woman who said if we are filling our mouths when our stomachs are full, we need God not more food. She was right, when I started asking God to fill the need/craving I felt I lost weight and got some surprises from the Lord. Blessings.

  9. David, I’d bet you have but wondered if you’ve thought/talked about a book to accompany the film…not a novelization per se, but maybe something a little different, special even? I was the co-writer on Brennan’s memoir – All Is Grace. Love to talk sometime…really looking forward to the film.

  10. David–Centering on death is somehow melded with the artist’s completion of a major work of art and its entry into publication. Richard wrote “Elijah” not at the end of his life, but at the beginning of his Nashville days. I hope you take heart at this turning point in your project. What seems like an ending is a beginning. “When I look back on the stars, it’ll be like a candlelight in Central Park. . .”

  11. We met in Indiana and I knew you were the right person to have made this film. Just a gut feeling but I think a true one. Here’s my encouragement from a fellow Canadian, “Kick at the darkness till it bleeds daylight” – Cockburn. Cheers! I’m looking forward to seeing the full-on movie(s). – Garth

  12. just literally stumbled on news of the film today. i’ve always been from the “better late than never” group. have spent this rainy morning reading through all the postings from the rich mullins film Facebook site. so thrilled to know you made this film. heard rich numerous times in concert, had all his albums. only met him once, through my dear friends and neighbors, greg and rebecca sparks, who toured with him.

    reading about your sadness. two thoughts – finishing any big production always brings the post-production sorrow. so much time and energy, your life poured into a creative venture. and all the death you have experienced certainly weighs on your soul. grief is cumulative, like radiation. i have yet to find it gets easier as loved ones and friends leave this earth.

    very excited to see the film when it comes out. watched the trailer. glad it gave hints of the many tensions rich struggled with in this life. he was a gifted, complex person.

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