A blog that is so important 3 or 4 people might read it…
A buddy said to me a few weeks, maybe a month, ago that if I wrote a blog, he’d read it…or maybe he said he might read it.
I brushed it off. I think when I was in college I think I thought I had something important to say, and the older I get, I don’t know that I have anything to say. For me insight, is like sitting indian style at a campfire. I am mezmorized at the combustion of flames, the warmth that scortches my forehead, the ash and sparks and crackles that spit out at me…but I don’t know or understand necessarily what fire is, how fire works, but I am thankful for fire, I need fire, and I can’t think of my life without fire and what that has provided to my life and the civilization in which I find myself, and what specifically a campfire has meant to my life…the nostalgia of summer camp…church camp…great talks…prayer…communion with God…and contemplation. I only know what fire is to me, for better or worse. I am a mere spectator to fire. That’s how I feel about my perspective about life, nothing more. So if I do continue this blog…(no guarantees since i discovered that apparently i did start a blog once almost a year and a half ago…and forgot about it)…than I can offer nothing more than my persepective, my thoughts, and my “insights”…but something in me does want to do this…and my buddy ben mentioning this…started a fire in my mind, heart, and soul to do this. Maybe it’s cuz I’m a verbal processor and this will help me in my journey to live, journey to experience, journey to live with my eyes open versus closed, journey to wake up versus be asleep, journey to live versus just survive…either way I’ll do it from time to time…check in…disagree…write me off as a Jesus freak, a nobody, a half hearted artist wannabe, a struggling actor, a hypocrite, a dreamer, a wishful thinker, a sinner, a saint, an idiot, a jerk, too mean and too sensitive, a bad speller, a writer?…more like a rambler…but one description that has haunted me almost every day that I’ve been alive is that I’m loved by God, not a nice love, not a sunday school love, but a angry love…a love that kicks down the door…knocks out the bad guy…kisses the girl…smokes a cigarette type of love…a bad ass love that see’s through masks, doesn’t give answers as much as faith type of love…but gives an embrace that even my pecimisim and self absorbtion and doubts can’t ignore…as Brennan Manning once said (and I might get this paraphrase wrong) if you don’t know God’s name as compassion you might not know him.
I have inner faith friends and family that are every religion you can think of from Pagans, to wiccans, to buddists, to mormons, to religious christians to authentic christians. And I love them all, dearly and truly. I don’t agree. A stinging truth that I must say in love is that I do believe Jesus is the one and only way, and I believe we all have faith, and as much faith as it takes me to say that Jesus is the only way, might be the same faith that an Athesist perspective would say there is no God. Either way, I hope, no matter where you can come from, that for a brief few minutes you could find a home for 5 or ten minutes or so as you read this blog…It won’t always be comfortable, maybe it will down right piss you off at times…but maybe just maybe no matter your belief system, that you could find an inkling of encouragment, and inkling of compassion, and sensing of truth that goes beyond my rambling words…or if nothing else maybe you could just sit indian style and view the reckless fire that is stirring within my heart and mind for a few minutes, than get up and move on and wonder what all that was about.
Thanks for reading.
David Leo Schultz
p.s. i know the spelling and grammar is bad, but frankly i don’t have that much time to write, so enjoy the raw and the humbling messiness of my writing.